i wish i was normal

i wish i didn’t have breakdowns from being around too many people or unfamiliar situations or too many sensory inputs.

i wish i didn’t have to act hard to blend in with others.

i wish i didn’t have to constantly worry about my access to healthcare and medication.

i wish i didn’t have to worry about getting harassed or hurt any time i leave my house.

i wish i didn’t get misgendered by strangers daily, especially when i talk to them.

i wish i didn’t have to avoid social media and reading news because of the constant attacks and lies and negative rhetoric about people like me.

i wish we weren’t constantly being litigated out of existing in public.

i wish we weren’t a constant target for political gain.

i wish people didn’t constantly look at me with a mixture of horror and disgust whenever i pop out to the shops or for a walk.

i wish i didn’t have that tense feeling of danger whenever i go for a piss.

i wish i didn’t look at myself in the mirror, never knowing whether i’ll like what i see or be miserable.

i wish my brain and feelings worked to an understandable, consistent set of rules so i could better look after myself.

i wish i was normal.