to my cis friends
this is something that i didn't really know if i wanted to write or not, and also whether i should, whether my words are necessary. but i felt like it would be cathartic to put some words and thoughts out. i'd really appreciate all my cisgender friends and family having a read.
this past weekend, a sixteen year old trans girl was murdered. in broad daylight. in a cheshire park.
she'd been subjected to years of transphobic abuse at school and online. there's evidence of her being assaulted, and the police and the school system doing absolute fuck all. it leaves little doubt that her murder was also a transphobic hate crime.
and what happens next? the media get a whiff of this, and dig through her personal life to work out her previous name, her deadname, and start using that as well as misgendering her. the same people that publish multiple articles a day calling us dangerous to women and children, saying that we should be shunned from public spaces, that we should be denyed and roadblocked from essential healthcare, are making sure that we can't even fucking die with dignity. it's abhorrent, and the murder of this girl is just part of a product of this toxic, dehumanising society. we have cabinet members, heck even the prime minister, being quoted as saying that there's concerns around trans people just living our normal fucking lives, that we're a danger to women's sports, that we're a blemish to society.
we go out and about in the world, just trying to live our lives, and this culture of fear and disgust never seems to end. i consider myself to be privileged in that most people just ignore me, or at worst, will call me a "man" or "brother" or "sir" and look disgusted at me. i have friends who've been spat at, drinks thrown at them, verbally and physically assaulted, followed home, banned from dating sites for being "misleading", denied housing, fired from their jobs, for no other reason. words cannot begin to describe the feeling of having to live with that constant background anxiety, that at any moment, someone could realise i'm trans and jump me. i've had people scoff at me, take photos of me on public transport, talk loudly about my appearance behind my back, walk into me on purpose, and this seems to be a constant that is so demoralising, dehumanising, and exhausting. we're all fucking tired.
i wouldn't try to change or hide who i am for a fucking second. in the two years (nearly) that i've been out as trans, i've gone from being a shy, sad, little nerd, to finally feeling comfortable and happy with myself. after eighteen months of taking hormones, undergoing bottom surgery, and feeling confident enough to go to the climbing gym regularly, i've never loved my body more than i do right now. i'm confident, happy, loved and have found a newfound joy that permeates every aspect of my life. however, this constant background of hate and vitriol and embarrassment and disgust is too much at times. and it's something i really want to convey and make sure that you, my cis friends, are aware of.
know what's going on, listen to what we're dealing with, and hug your trans friends tight. be there for us like we're hopefully there for you. because fuck knows we need it right now. 💖